Sunday, 15 January 2017

This isn't Felix.

I looked into the eyes of the person I had shared my darkest secrets and sweetest moments with. They were different, emptier and darker, like something was missing. Felix, a gentle and damaged soul, who you'd expect of all people to have eyes filled with hurt and feeling. And yet, I was staring into a blank face. Blonde hair falls around his soft cheeks, a look, different to the five hundred I'd seen before and memorised. His skin had paled and his wrists were thinner.
'Jess, you ok honey?'  Felix squeezed my hand, giving me a look of concern. I squeezed back.
The hospital room was bleak and sterile, smelling of disinfectant and sickness, if it had a smell it would be this. I should have been overjoyed to see him after months of surgeries and waiting. What was wrong with me? Something hadn't felt right for weeks.

This wasn't him, not my Felix. Something had happened during the surgeries, he had been replaced by somebody identical. I slipped my hand out of his, my fingers trembling. The man in the bed looked at me, creating a facade of confusion and hurt, masking his true intentions.
This was an imposter.
Engulfed by fear and rage I began to strangle the man in the bed. If this were really Felix he would have been able to overpower me but this man was much to frail and weak for that.
' I need to see the real Felix, WHERE IS THE REAL FELIX?' I spat, tears spilling onto his chin.
'Jess! Stop!' His weak voice shrieked, he grabbed my wrists in vain, pushing me away. My hands pushed against his brittle throat, why wouldn't he tell me where Felix was? In minutes his fingers slipped from my wrists and those beautiful eyes that had been stolen slowly closed.
Harsh hands grabbed me by my coat, ripping from the bed and taking me away. The doctor and nurses ran to the imposter's aid.
'FELIX WHERE ARE YOU?' My screams echoed down the halls as I was dragged from the pretender's corpse.

The next day I awoke in another bleak and sterile room, but this one was different. I was alone, there was nobody by my side, no Felix. Why weren't they looking for him? Nobody had even tried.
My wrists were raw and hand cuffed, as I stared into the mirror before me, a red eyed, blotchy faced girl looked back, scared and exhausted. I could never forget his warm hands and soft cheeks. His sad stories and sad eyes. Nobody knew what it was like to stare into the soul of somebody you loved only to realise they had been replaced, by a pretender, an imposter. Nobody.

1 comment:

  1. What a very deep piece. It recognises how intensive and corrosive an instability can be for some people. Very sad but very good.